


First Time he Kissed a Boy

by mathsthetic



Series: Hermitcraft Story Stuff [10]
Category: Hermitcraft
Genre: Closet relationships, F/F, F/M, High School, Homophobic Slurs, I am sorry fans of Cub, I don't think he would actually do this, I straight up didn't edit this, If something is really bad it stays really bad, Implied sexual content (that didn't happen), Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Or get a beta reader, Please read with caution, Ship the Personas not the People, Song: First Time he Kissed a Boy (Kadie Elder), This is mostly just me projecting, This is the longest continuous one shot I've written, This is very very tirggering
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-31
Updated: 2020-07-31
Packaged: 2021-03-06 00:15:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,406
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25624240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mathsthetic/pseuds/mathsthetic
Summary: First time he kissed a boyHe had never, never knownCover up is what they toldFeel so cold
Relationships: Cleo/False, Cleo/Scar, False/Cleo, Falseo, Grian/Scar, Scar/Cleo, Scar/Grian, Scleo, scarian
Series: Hermitcraft Story Stuff [10]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1670020
Comments: 6
Kudos: 51





	First Time he Kissed a Boy

**Author's Note:**

> If you need anything else added to the tags please let me know  
> And if you need to talk, I am here

_Troubled face_

Everything inside his stomach burned, his lungs filled with air but it was frozen and felt like his might actually be inhaling the icicles that hung from the houses. It hurt, but he kept walking. He couldn't figure out where he was heading, but knew that it was anywhere but home. With a shudder, he wrapped his arms tighter around himself. The dull red colored sweater was many years old, stretched out and full of holes. It was ugly and showed the black shirt between the knit holes. Once he got to the bus stop, he pulled out his wallet and grabbed a dollar, the last dollar, and waited.

_Headphones on_

There was a moment where the burn stopped and he almost smiled at seeing the bus drive up the street, but the number didn't match up to the stop. He pressed his back hard against the cold, metal pole and finally felt the liquid on his face. After wiping his eyes, he knew that was just tears, and after the day he had that made sense, and where he expected snot from his nose there was a dark red in it's place. Blood.

_Forgetting time and place_

He remembered what happened but he didn't want to think. The burn of the feeling returned to his face and he released a choked sob. "I'm sorry," he whimpered to the faceless hand that slammed into him in his memories. With another sob he slid down the pole and curled up on himself. _I didn't want this. Nobody wanted this. Why did it have to be me?_ It burned in his throat and he shook.

_All he wanted_

The bus passed, not even stopping for him there. It made sense, after all. He was nothing but a short, scrawny teenager who looked all but homeless. But that bus trip would have been nice. That was the last bus that ran today, he knew by the sun setting in the corner of the sky. He shook with fear and panicked. What else was there? _Go home_ , his mind yelled, but he couldn't do it. He couldn't just go home after everything that happened that day. More burning happened as he threw up on the ground. Now his lungs, swollen eye and throat felt the same empty burning.

_Feeling stuck_

He could always call for help. But who would help him. Who would help some ugly kid who looks like he lost a fight with a bus? Who would help some dumb-ass who caught feels for the Prom King? He burned as the realization came to truth and choked another sob leading to him throwing up again. Nothing but bile came up and he couldn't keep his eyes open long enough to see the head lights that were closing in on him.

_Set him free_

Nothing mattered anyway, he mused and then curled in on himself more, gagging and dry heaving from the ugly scene. The cars didn't stop but there were asshole kids throwing things onto the mess of man, if you could call him that. Blood, tears, vomit, grape Slurpee, a bottle filled with who-knows-what that exploded when it hit the ground and splashed back up. He was soaking. What as next? Freezing rain?

_Running out of luck_

And that was just what happened next. The dark sky coated in black paint and then unzipped and pour freezing hate directly onto the soaked toddler. All the words that he had ever been called rang in his mind. _Faggot, fairy, worthless, homo, dumb-ass, ugly, troll, slut,_ they were all stupid and didn't mean a thing until they came from _his_ mouth.

_On his knees_

_First time he kissed a boy_

When they were little, Grian and Scar were best friends. The latter actually didn't have his iconic nickname or his namesake scar before. They were not just friends, they knew from talking about their feelings that they would never fully be. Grian loved him from the first say that he moved to America and met him, though he didn't know what the feeling actually meant.

_He had never, never known_

But when they grew up, Scar got his scar and it changed him. He bottled things up, hiding them even from Grian. One day, their last sleep over, when they were only twelve, the Brit finally grew a pair and told about the feelings. They kissed. Not just once. By the end of the night they explored each other but never after that did they speak in public. They didn't speak and only gave a nod in passing when they would pass in the hallway. He started going by Scar because of his injury and love of Disney.

_Cover up is what they told_

But Grian couldn't just escape how he felt. Scar got a girlfriend, just another mockery of the short blond. The girl didn't last long but the next one wasn't long after. And then the next one and the one after that and soon after he had a reputation of being a heart-breaker. He lasted a long time with a girl named Cleo, but anyone could see her making eyes at her tall, blonde, best friend. That almost hurt Grian more. But he said nothing. Their freshman year of high school was hell and Cleo stayed by his side. Scar and his best friend, nicknamed Cub for one reason or another, practically ran the school and the duo were hardly even teenagers.

_Feel so cold_

Grian tried to date a girl, but his heart wasn't in it and so he left. He bottled up everything, but one feeling: his love for the king of the school. In their Sophomore year, Scar moved from the house they knew from childhood and ended up down the street from his childhood best friend. They couldn't explain the awkward that rested on their shoulders. On Grian's short walk to the high school he would always pass by Scar. He was always riding shotgun in Cub's car. Cleo, her best friend, whose name Grian never found, and Joe, a close friend of the group, would be in the back. There was no room for the sweater clad man and this was a fact that he knew deep down inside of him.

_First time he kissed a boy_

But that wouldn't stop him thinking about what would happen if he was just given a single chance. Grian would write about Scar and Cleo breaking up. He would write about her leaving him to be with her real love, the best friend, and he broke inside at how real it could have been. With everything he would dream up, he invented a whole universe where Scar was his, where he could kiss those soft lips one more time..

_He had never, never loved_

But Grian had no backing for these fantasies. There was no possible way that Cleo was anything but straight if she was dating Scar. Grian felt himself start to almost believe the world he made, begging for there to be a single ounce of backing to the stories. All through the Junior year, he had amassed a binder full of little fantasies of the two together. They would never come true, but this never stopped him from writing them.

_Walks on a curvy road_

But going into his senior and final year of the crowded school, now six years since they last even spoke, he certainly shouldn't have kept writing these stupid fantasies. But he kept writing, fitting the narrative to fit his idealistic world. He would write in classes, at lunch when he sat by himself in the library, after school when he sat in on the swim team and watched them from the bleachers. Someone should have suspected him by this point. There was really no hiding the truth of his feelings for the him. As long as nobody found the papers he danced his pen across, nobody would ever learn the truth.

_Feel_

_Keeping back_

He had paper in his pocket, melting and dissolving into nothing but scraps of shame from the icy rain. There was no going back now. The moment the scary tall wrestler best friend of the King's fist collided with his face there was no going back. He lost three teeth, nose was bleeding and his eye was swollen shut. There was no escaping what had happened and there was no way in hell he could ever take it back. 

_The ghost inside_

Cub insisted he was protecting the world from a dirty faggot like him. But he could see the hurt on Scar's face as he drew his arm back for the second punch. By the third, the poor Brit had blacked out, but that wasn't where they stopped. He threw up once again, this time blood surfaced and this made him gag from fear. There was nothing that he could do to change what happened, but he knew that he didn't want to. 

_Locked him in a pack_

When he woke up, he was in the back of a pickup truck, he knew it to be Cleo's best friend's but neither of them were there. In fact, nobody was in the cab of the truck. But in the bed, kneeling over the top of him, was the subject of his constant adoration. He was cleaning blood from every leaking cut or hole, bandaging the tears in his skin from Cub's large knuckles. His face was swollen and he looked to be crying.

_All his life_

He couldn't help but stare at his savior. The one who helped him up off the ground and took him home. But once the duo connected their eyes, the King couldn't help but shudder and look away, wiping his already read cheeks. "Fucking idiot," he spoke as he dropped the Brit in a crumpled pile on his doorstep and drove off. That was the first word that had been said to him in years. _The first word_ , he thought, biting his swollen lip and sitting on his step.

_All his life_

_First time he kissed a boy_

After Cub had noticed his best friend's name appear a lot in the things that Grian would write, he was on edge a lot more. He wouldn't leave Scar's side and always had his eye locked on the short Brit. The first time he beat him up was when Grian had dropped all of his papers in front of Scar and the Prom King nominee had helped him pick them up. He kept one page sneakily and read it in secret. Cleo found it, laughed at the stupid lovesick musings and the showed it to Cub and then everyone else at the school. Three punches knocked him out but after two more and a quick kick to his ribs, he was done with him. "What a waste of oxygen."

_He had never, never known_

Scar stole a truck. He scooped him up, getting blood all over his suit, and drove him to the house he knew all too well. He dropped him on the doorstep with only two words to Grian, but three more whispered to himself as he drove off to actually get to Prom. "I'm sorry, Grian.."

_Cover up is what they told_

Grian's parents were helpful after the first time, but after that they didn't seem to scare at all. The second time he came home with a busted lip or a black eye, they stopped caring. His mother was never one to ask about where they came from, but she quietly left bags of ice at her son's door when he would come bruised and bloody from school. She was kind. His father on the other hand, was cruel. He didn't say anything, but when it was once weekly that his bruises would get so bad or he would walk in with a limp, the father suddenly added to the pain that fished through him. It was one lash with his belt for every day of the week he came home with a limp, one for every missing tooth. Grian learned how to hide himself pretty well after that.

_Feel so cold_

_First time he kissed a boy_

But he stupidly kept writing. He never stopped to have a moment of regret. Or a moment to feel when he would get beaten. As far as he knew, he lived in this magical world. Cleo and her best friend, who he had called False as every other thing he heard them call her seemed so wrong, were gone one way or another. Magically they ended up a couple. Or they crashed her pickup and died. Or they moved. Or anything. It was Grian's fantasy. He could decide what happened for himself. Cub was always killed. Joe could stay as he never gave Grian those looks. Scar on the other hand... He always stayed. He always was there.

_He had never, never loved_

By his side was the Prom King. His perfectly pressed suit, light blue and matching Cleo's sparkling dress, was stained with blood. Nobody wanted to ask as to tell them all that he went back to help that _worthless faggot_. He stood there, only picturing the outcome as he wasn't allowed anywhere near the Prom, hand tangled with the man that had been beaten. His dream come true, standing next to him as he was given the crown. The first dance, reserved for the king and queen, was spent arm in arm with Grian. They were tangled together closer than when they were young.

_Walks on a curvy road_

Grian knew it wasn't real, but needed it to be. The warmth between their collided lips shattered in an instance and turned to empty shards of ice cold glass. It was gone. But he couldn't write this one in the rain. A car stopped by him, sitting gently in the rain with the headlights on. He watched the door open and knew it was just Cub again here to beat him to a pulp once again. There was no escaping that fate.

_Feel_

_Get lost, get lost, get lost_

So the boy in the red sweater, soaked in various liquids from the day, stood up and waited for the wrestler to come and serve him another helping of his weekly knuckle sandwich. He spotted the wide shoulders and shook his head, refusing to get beaten up again. He started down the hill toward the school at a slow limping pace but sped to a walk as pain slipped away from his rising adrenaline. The walk turned to a jog and then a run and soon he was sprinting his fastest down the hill. The school was passed and he was almost hit by a car more than once, but he didn't care. As long as Cub wasn't the care that hit him, he was all fine.

_Get lost, get lost, get lost_

_First time he kissed a boy_

Scar knew he fucked up when he drove back to his house to pick up Cub and Joe for Prom. He had stopped to pick up Grian's lifeless form from the school garden and got blood all over his perfect suit. But he was sick of the way his so-called "friends" treated the Brit. But he held a secret about it that only he and Cleo knew. Of course, False knew too, they were a couple. Scar and Cleo were covers for each other. Cleo didn't feel comfortable telling anyone that she was bisexual or that she was dating a woman so they pretended to be just best friends. And Scar was the same way, but he was gay as all shit and too scared to say anything anywhere but behind the closed doors.

_He had never, never known_

He and Grian opened up to one another. They kissed, experimented, but didn't cross any lines because Scar was scared. But what changed? Grian didn't change, but Scar did. He was an asshole, too scared to come out so he fell in with a crowd of homophobes. What the worst way to be? So he wanted to make it up for Grian. After every time Cub would attack him, he would help him in one way or another. Grian only caught him the first time, but he was always there. He was always helping him and keeping him safe.

_Cover up is what they told_

Cub said he was sick of him and so he was going to make sure he didn't come back. Scar was terrified, so he took his mom's car and started driving along the road between Grian's home and the school. He saw a figure there and stopped, getting out of his car. He started to leave. Limping up to a sprint away. But Scar followed him. Until he stopped at the mall.

_Feel so cold_

_First time he kissed a boy_

He had no idea where the fuck he was going. He didn't know where but he wanted to be safe. The mall was open until nine and it was only a bit after seven, so the lights were on and he would be safe. He stopped and sat at one of the doorway. He stopped and caught his breath, not going in as he looked just like he was in a fight or something. He saw a car pull up and the same wide figure get out. Where he expected to find Cub, he stopped and didn't run away. He just stared. 

_He had never, never loved_

Scar stood before him and wore a sad expression. "I am not here to hurt you, Grian," he said very quietly. Two conversations in the same month, this was a new record. He felt his fear melting away. Scar was there. Scar was there and not to hurt Grian. An ice cold shudder danced up his spine and he choked on a sob, gagging out of fear. Scar stepped closer to him and held out his arm. The arm ran down his arm and he just stared. "I have something I want to talk to you about." The Brit was nervous but he nodded.

_Walks on a curvy road_

"I have been keeping a secret from you," he said quietly and then knelt down next to Grian. "I have always wanted to be around you. It was hard because I didn't know how to show my feelings and so I decided that it would be best to try to bottle it up." Scar explained that every girl he had been with was trying to make it so he felt that way, but nothing was right. His relationship with Cleo was for show as they both had the same secret, he said sorry very loudly for outing her, and the whole time he wanted to save Grian. "Gri, I am so sorry I ever hurt you and I know that nothing will change how I was, but I would do anyth-"

_Feel_

_Get lost, get lost, get lost_

"Run away with me," Grian said with a gasp in his tone from the mix of throwing up and crying that happened today. Scar put a hand over his face, hiding his gaping mouth. Could he just...up and run away. Graduation was three days ago, so they were free. Both of them were eighteen and could now move out. He couldn't believe he was really doing this. He shuddered and then nodded.

"Yes, Grian," he felt tears finally leak from his eyes as he gently wrapped his arms around the small, broken form. "Let's run away together. Leave this shit show behind. Together." There was a moment of hesitation when Grian lifted his head to lock his swollen eyes onto Scar's red and puffy ones. Scar wanted to kiss him, but shook his head as he saw the mix of blood and mysterious other things on his lips and resorted to a peck on his forehead saying that that was just for until he was cleaned up a little more.

Scar helped him into the car and they drove back to their homes and packed up their bags. They both left a note for their families and then...disappeared. But they disappeared together. There was nowhere to go but up from this point and together they were going up.

_Get lost, get lost, get lost_


End file.
